An Explanation
by JantoJones
Summary: What is the cause of Illya's hatred of hospitals? (Although it isn't really canon, Illya's hatred of hospitals a big part of fanon. This story is an attempt to explain this hatred. Before anyone says it, I know it could be expanded :-) In fact, it kind of ties in a little with a story I wrote some time ago called 'Unknown Fear'. One day, I may bring the two together.)


Clad only in his underpants, Illya Kuryakin slid down from the examination table, following a thorough examination from U.N.C.L.E.'s chief medic. For a private man, he seemed to have no qualms about being naked or near naked in front of people. Most people assumed it was because of the numerous times he had been stripped by his many captors over the years. It was actually down to something which had happened a long time previously.

As his patient slowly, and agonisingly, dressed himself, Dr Leonard Barrie was all too aware of the agent's wincing and gasping. He was a mass of internal and external bruising, and was in a great deal of pain following another set of Thrush beatings.

"I strongly recommend that you stay here," Dr Barrie stressed. "Even if only for one night. Having the nurses to keep an eye on you means I can give you a much stronger sedative, and you will get a good few hours rest."

"No," Illya replied, with a slight edge. "I am exceptionally grateful that you are here to patch me up, but I will not stay in a hospital if it is not necessary."

"Mr Kuryakin. . ."

"Unless you are going to make it an order, the answer remains no. However, I will agree to take whatever painkillers you recommend, and I will report back here first thing in the morning."

The doctor shrugged in defeat. He did indeed have the power to confine an agent to medical, and woe betide anyone who defied him, but it would be easier for all concerned to let Kuryakin go. The man's injuries weren't life threatening and could be trusted to seek help should he need it. Illya would, of course, be limited to light duties.

"Would you allow me to ask you a frank and personal question?" Barrie enquired.

"You may ask," Illya agreed. "But I may not answer."

Dr Barrie took a deep breath. Kuryakin wasn't a violent man, if you discounted what he did for a living, but his wrath could be scary without any violence.

"What is it exactly that you hate about being in a hospital environment?" the doctor asked. "I know you don't like being the centre of attention, but other than that, I can see no other reason as to why you are always so desperate to get away. We are simply trying to heal you, in comfort."

"I understand that," Illya said, with a small smile. He suddenly looked extremely young and vulnerable, and nothing like the dangerous agent he was. "The rational part of me knows it."

"So it is an irrational fear?"

Illya opened his mouth to speak, intending to cut off Dr Barrie's line of questioning, but closed it again. He always kept his early life a closed book to almost everyone, and there was one particular part of his teens which he shrouded more than anything else. Twenty years had passed since that time and, despite trying to bury the memories, Illya's tendency for ending up in medical, or a hospital, meant that he could never escape the horror.

"Can I rely on doctor/patient confidentiality?" Illya asked, fixing Barrie with an icy glare; daring him to say no.

"Yes, you can, but only as long as what is said doesn't impact on this organisation, or your effectiveness."

"Understood."

Illya started pacing the room, but Dr Barrie said and did nothing. It was rare for the Russian to open up about anything and he didn't want to derail him.

"In the past, you have commented on my endurance and strength" he began. "While others have been amazed by my mental acuity and intelligence. I have always possessed those qualities to a degree, but they were artificially enhanced when I was a teenager."

After being rounded up, with thousands of other street orphans, the young Illya had found himself in the state school system. Possessed of a natural curiosity, and propensity for learning, he soon excelled. This had meant he came to the attention of some people who wished to exploit his abilities. For just over a year, he was held at a prison-like clinic, where experimental procedures were perform on people who showed any kind of physical or mental talent.

"I do not wish to go into details about what I experienced," Illya continued. "All you need to know is that I was subjected to constant torments, and humiliating experiments, by people who looked like any other doctor or nurse."

"I am truly sorry you had to go through such horror," Barrie said, when Illya finished his tale. "None of this is on your records."

"Waverly is aware of it," Kuryakin explained. "But it was agreed that it would remain a secret. I would prefer to keep it that way."

"You have my word on it," the doctor agreed. "Have you discussed any of this with the psychiatrist?"

"No," Illya replied. "But, I think it might be time to exorcise these demons. If only for the sake of the sanity of the nurses"

Dr Barrie smiled at the statement. Mr Kuryakin was known as a holy terror in the department, but no-one understood why. Hopefully, U.N.C.L.E. medical would soon come to know a much calmer man. The doctor couldn't begin to grasp what terrible things the young man would have endured but, from his knowledge of the darker side of medical history, he was astounded that Illya was as sane as he was.

"Thank you, Mr Kuryakin, for being so candid. I'll get you those painkillers."

While he waited for the pills, Illya thought about what he had just revealed. He felt lighter at having told part of the story, and was now determined to relieve himself of the burden of the rest. The past was painful and hard, but his present was relatively safe and comfortable. If his future was going to be what he hoped, the past would have to be dealt with. On the way out of the building he would make an appointment with Dr Francis, and then he would invite Napoleon over for dinner. If he was going to let go of the past, he would need the support of his closest friend.


End file.
